Can I do this?

Ashley and Kelly in 2000. Rockhurst University Homecoming.

So, I have about five more weeks and then my world will rapidly change once more. 18 months ago, I was completely clueless about becoming a Mommy. I never really imagined how much it would change my life. I've never regretted a minute of the time that we've spent with M.C. and she has truly been a blessing. However, there's a little part of me that misses the simple life of just Ash and me. What I miss is being able to "just go." If I wanted to go out, I would just go out. Or that I didn't have to plan weeks ahead of time to find a babysitter just to go to a baby shower/wedding etc.

Maybe, I sound whiny but I think every Mom or Dad goes through this. The truth is I am nervous about having two children. The day I found out I was pregnant again, I cried. I know God gives us what we can handle but really I wish he didn't trust me so much. Mary Caroline is still my little baby. There are times when I think how can love another child as much as I love M.C.? I know that you do and it's amazing how that happens.

Since the very beginning of this pregnancy, I've been in a fog. I don't feel like I am prepared. I don't think you're ever really prepared for parenthood. I get nervous about things like going to the store, finding babysitters to go out, the cost of daycare, having a full time job, and keeping sane. Is M.C. going to be neglected? Will I fall out of touch even more with friends?

I am very lucky to have a wonderful husband, beautiful daughter, very supportive family, and to be able to have another Gift from God. God has been very good me and I am thankful. By the way I am really excited to have this baby. Just a nervous :)

You got to love the hormones that go along with pregnancy. Tomorrow, I will feel like a huge loser for writing this blog. (But, I don't think anyone reads it anyway) :)