Six months ago, I had Mr. Michael Pouche. It doesn't seem that it's been that fast! Being a mother to Mikey and Mary Caroline has been tough, fun, exhusting, worrisome(is that a word?), and a HUGE change. I love my children and my life now but no one really ever tells you about the emotional rollercoaster that it does to you. Yes, they say it's hard but you don't really understand that word-hard till you've expirenced this time (having a two year old and 6 month old).
For the last two years, I have felt disconnected to parts of my life, friends, or world around me. Sometimes it really bugs me and other days I take it as "Okay life changes, get over it." For me, I've always felt "in the know" maybe I like gossip or socializing too much. But, this new Mommy world doesn't give me the time to be in that social world. Again, one day I am upset and sad about it then the next day I'm fine.
I don't have alot of time to watch much t.v., read magazines, go to the store by myself, or have social time out. I remember finally feeling "normal" when Mary Caroline was about 10 months old. I think the first year is a cluster f. I thought it would be a little bit better the second time around but there is less time and more children. :)
I had a break down two weeks ago when I had a chance to get out for a night with friends. Ash and I ate dinner and actually got to go to a bar. I was upset because, the weekend before I couldn't make it out to my friend's bday party because I was exhusted from two sicky children. I also got upset at the fact that my Christmas was a blur. I haven't been able to really see or talk to my best friend and her baby in St. Louis for very long periods of time. I've not been real shopping in forever and when I did I felt like a fish out of water. I don't know what's in style or bought myself clothes for two years.
But..... six months ago I had a gift from God. This gift was a challenge and I am tackling this challenge one day at a time... So... if you've read this and haven't heard from me in while... now you know that no one has really heard from me. I'm just walking around with my head cut off! I'll let you know when I have put it back on. :)
Remember this: this is a bunch of rambling from a tired, overstressed Mommy. Sorry! :)
